Friday, December 10, 2010
Overwhelmed
I know everyone does all these wonderfully inspirational postings especially with holidays here, but I am just gonna be very candid today. I am EXTREMELY overwhelmed right now. I find myself wanting to just escape from everything. I have tried the old get out with your girlfriends trick and it worked for THAT evening lol. I have relaxed with Nate and had some wine here and there, taken bubble baths, painted my nails yada yada. While these things can be nice and a small pick me up.....it does nothing for the insurmountable amounts of laundry piling high, the never ending dishes that I must hand wash since we have no dishwasher, the constant cooking and meal planning and grocery shopping which ends up several times a week as we ALWAYS run out of odd things like Q-tips or shaving gel or bread, the breaking up fighting, the homeschooling, the needy toddler and newborn, a houseful of kids who have been passing around a 104 degree fever all week, the nagging husband who says the kids watch too much TV(its a crutch to help entertain them lately while I do chores I admit it), lack of time for working out, lack of time to shower each day(HELLO major hygiene issue here), the stupid holidays and stupid money, its just everything. Jaxxon is a very easy baby so thankfully I am not dealing sleep deprivation too. I am eating plenty of vitamin rich foods and taking fish oil and prenatals each day to help sustain me but no matter how much "me time" or vitamins I get, I can't help how overwhelmed I am right now. I love my kids, but there are a lot of them and everyone needs something different every time I sit down to nurse. I worry I am asking too much of the older kids in needing their constant help with this or that. I try to divide and conquer......but again, I am still overwhelmed. Hoping this feeling passes soon and that its just having added a new baby that has caused such feelings. I have decided for the first time that I need birth control. I honestly. can. not. handle. another. child. I dont know how permanent that feeling will be but I feel very done. I think 1 more would land me in mental health because I am verging on heading there now.(kidding, kind of) I am planning to get Mirena IUD so if any of you have it or have used it can you let me know what you thought of it? I have to pay out of pocket nearly 1,000 dollars for it so I would love some feedback about this BC before I try it. I just don't want to try and remember a pill each day, not to mention when I had to take it for 2 months several years ago after a d/c for m/c, I was really mean on it. I just want to feel normal but not get pregnant. Thanks for any constructive advise you may have to offer:)
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23 comments:
wow, poor thing..we all go through that! Don't you have a clinic you can go to for reduced birth control or free IUD? I had the mirena and didn't care for it. Caused lots of spotting and pain. My girl friend had hers taken out because she was in pain all the time. I guess it slipped out of place.
Anyway you can get some help off and on for a day or so a week? How about the kiddos do they offer much help at all..They should be helping their momma every now and again. Maybe their own laundry or rotaing dish days? Hope it gets better.
I don't have any advice to offer on b/c, but I know the overwhelmed feeling (and I only have about 1/2 the kids you do:). I'll be praying for you. I think the weather can sometimes have a lot to do with it. I'm in Minnesota, and ever since the snow began to fall and we have been unable to be outside as much, it has been much harder to manage my moods. I sometimes use a sun lamp (not sure of its technical name) and that does help!
Jennifer, I am going to call the local clinic and see what they say. My kids defintely do a lot, but I feel guilty, like they do too much.
Amanda, I have been getting out and getting sunlight several hours a week down the mountain because I am also scared of vit D deficiency
Janis honey, I know how you feel trust me. I felt that way when my fourth was born, and I still feel like that once in a while and she's 3 now!
But as far as the Mirena IUD, I have one and really like it. I got it last year in August, after over a year debating and praying about it. For the first 3 months I had a nonstop period, then for 3 months after that I had irregular bleeding and spotting. Now I have a day of light spotting every 3-4 months, and once in a while if I do too much I'll get a little cramping. That's about it. I knew that the first several months wouldn't be very great and that there would be a lot of cramping and irregularity with my cycles, but I don't regret it at all. My only complaint now is that we had to give up one of our favorite positions because it causes me severe painful cramps so bad I'm throwing up from the pain, but it is nice to not have to worry as much about having another child right now.
There are a lot of things about the Mirena though that you may want to think about before getting it. There is a risk of uterine rupture or it embedding in your uterus, which both could permanently affect future fertility. It also does release low levels of the hormones in birth control pills as an added protection against pregnancy, so if you are sensitive to hormonal birth control that is another thing to consider. (for me, I can't take the pill because the hormones make me a raving lunatic but the Mirena levels are low enough that it doesn't affect me much at all, although I do have some mood swings) Our decision to go with one was because Scott and i both agree that we are fairly happy with our family and are ok if we don't have any more children in the future. We reached that place where we are able to say we're pretty sure we are done, although sometimes we do talk about another one or two. I wouldn't get one though until your baby is at least 6 months old, so you have time to adjust and decide with a clearer mind. Condoms are beautiful for that waiting period, and if you go to the Trojan web site you can print off some pretty good coupons (like $3 off a box of 10 or more).
LOVE the Mirena, I think it's the best thing out there. I did spot the first 6 weeks randomly and cramp a good day a month...but now after 3 years (almost), my periods are very minimal, all I need it one or two slender tampons for the whole period. I think I paid out of pocket for it too and it was like $600, best $600 I spent! Call me if you have other questions!
I am sorry you feel overwhelmed, I often feel that too. Someone told me to not think of the things I did not get done, but rather think of the things I got done that day. For me flaylady.net has been helpful and teached me to take babysteps.
I don`t know if it helps you to know that I do not want any more kids either - and I only have two.
I have had a mirena for a year and I love it. I was on the pill for years but I was about to become uninsured, so got the mirena. Going off the pill made me realize how many side effects I was actually having (mostly sexual). I hurt a lot going in and I spotted for about 2 months after. My partner could feel the string during sex at first, but after a few months it softened up and curled behind my cervix. I don't menstruate at all now. No mood swings, no pms and no bleeding whatsoever. I love it.
The risk of perforating your uterus are very low for a woman who has children.
Thank you to everyone who has weighed in and YAY I called the local clinic and even with insurance, they will do the Mirena for free since my insurance company refuses to pay for it!! Thats exciting. As for being overwhelmed, yea I am thinking maybe school is an option since we live in place where there will be good services for my autistic son(last district was terrible for him)
Meredith, thank you for the help! Good to hear positive stories about it:)
Janis-I know how you feel and we have all had thoughs day...but don't make a hasty decision, I know how you feel about birth control and you just might regret this down the road...I have my overwhelmed days and I turn to God for strength...My dh is always willing to help me out when thoughs days come...I just found out we are pregnant with #8, we are overjoyed and excited...Haven't told any one yet, its driving me crazy...From you posts and how you talk about your family I think that you are a great mother and wife. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves a break...Blessings, Heidi
i hope i am not too late in posting this!! I am like you, i - have children, i eat very healthy, i exercise daily, take supplements, ect. I have had lots of trouble with the hormones in b/c. I have tried literally dozens of different b/c pills, the shot, nuva ring, patchc, I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING OUT THERE LOL. So when it come to b/c i knew i had to have something without hormmones due to the depression, mood swings, weight fluctuations, irritability, ect that they caused. When i went to see my dr i was recommended to use the ParaGuard. It is hormone free and made out of a copper substance. It is very similar to mirena but has no hormones which was huge turn on to me. I hope you find this post helpful. Amber
Amber thank you.
Heidi, CONGRATS! I know I do think maybe I am being hasty....just overwhelmed with adding another baby I think. We are really really unsure about BC. I think we are gonna keep thinkin about it.
Janis, I'd really think long and hard about it before putting the kids in school. Remember WHY they are at home, and recall the troubles you had with them in school before. Yes, it is a relief to get that break but you really need to think with a level head on it. I know how overwhelmed you are, its the holidays and you have 7 kids with one being a newborn and homeschooling and omgosh everything else for daily life. I know you feel guilty about asking them for help, but it is only for a little bit. My girls help out and do daily chores (with a lot of protesting some days) and I do feel guilty when I think how different their upbringing is from their daddy's (his mom would follow him, cleaning up as he tore it apart, all day long and he never learned to do any kind of chores). I know you have a KJV bible, so here's a verse for you to ponder a bit that may or may not help you in this decision.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
All you have to figure out is what the way your kids should go is, and teach them to that path. That, my dear, is the age-old dilemma of a parent......
Cat thank you. I know what you mean and I think I said that just blowing off steam, I am definately running over to sign them up but the thought crosses my mind a lot lately.
Glad to hear about the clinic doing it for free. That is awesome! Another great option is called encare.. They are little capsules that you Insert *blush* while things are heating up..You have to wait for 10 minutes before doing anything and they work really well, but you have to use them correctly or they wont. Try looking up some info on them. They aren't hormonal and may be a better option.
I haven't read everyone's comments, sorry if I repeat.
We homeschooled for 3 years...or I tried the best I could. It was HARD. My 6th baby was born last Aug. Last year, homeschool sucked. He was a very good baby. He had some health issues, but those were resolved by the time he was 3-4 months. I was just exhausted and tired and feeling very similar to the way you are feeling.
We moved this summer and the schools are better here. We felt it was the right time to send them to public school. It has gone well. There have been/are issues (like ODD needing to play catch up and ODS's behavior and a rotten teacher), but they are LOVING it and I am really enjoying the time with only 3 kids at home. Life is seriously SOO calm...compared to life with 6.
Putting the kids in public school is working for us....right now. We are totally open for homeschooling in the future, but at this point in life, I needed that burden of homeschooling off my shoulders.
I still have times I am overwhelmed (like when DH is gone from 8am-8pm and doesn't do anything to help around the house), but it is much less than it use to be. PLUS I am able to get some 'me' time during the nap/quiet time a few times a week.
Janis, I hope you start feeling better soon.
Oh, I had a friend that had 6 kids and got an IUD. Her IUD fell 1/2 way out because she was so...what's the word?... stretched from having 6 kids.
You clearly have done a great job in raising your children thus far. You're not superwoman, nobody is! Give yourself some much needed credit as well as a break. Try sending them to school and as a few mentioned, you can always come back to homeschooling if you are called to. Having an 8 hour break from your older ones will help you cope with the little ones still home. That will also give you a chance to do things while they're gone during the day that you wouldn't get to do with them home! If I were in your shoes, I'd try the school thing BEFORE deciding on birth control. It might make all the difference :) Good luck.
BunnyO, thats an excellent point!!
Janis
Maybe you should just take a break and start up after the holiday's are done......Hsing is not something you try. Put the kids in school and then take them out again..that's not very constant for a child...Hsing for us is a conviction..I feel very overwhelmed at times and need to remember all the reasons why we choose to hs, that usually gets me out of my selfish feelings and focus on the kids...Take a break Janis, thats what I would recommend...Did you take a break after baby was born, I usually take a couple weeks off...take care...
Heidi, you know that is the most frustrating part. I homeschooled most of the summer knowing I would need a break after I had the baby. Well, Nate got all weird and wanted me to start back at it when Jax was only a week old. I was so upset, but I complied and now I am burned out. I then told him I wanted to take Dec off and he proceeded to tell me NO WAY:( Ughh we arent in agreement with the breaks and that is causing major tension in our house. He has it so stuck in his head that if PS kids are at school, ours should be working grrr
Janis
That would be hard if dh disaggreed with me, hugs....We hs Tues-Fri and have Sat-Mon. off(3 day weekend)..I take of a week for thanksgiving, 2 weeks for Christmas and 1 during spring break..I keep going through the summer but take the week off if were planning a camping trip...This works for our family..You and dh need to come up with a plan that works for your family...That's the great thing about hsing you can be flexible..Our baby is due in the summer so we will take several weeks off when he or she is born...I bet if you took the next couple weeks off, it would be all that you needed...Blessings, Heidi
Janis:
I've read with great interest the candid recounting of your life and your honest admission that having so many children, trying to home school them, etc., has caused you to feel overwhelmed and that having yet another child just might push you over the edge. I hope you heed your own words. Don't you think it's better to be a whole, healthy and happy mother to seven children rather than push yourself to bear more and more of them, to the point of complete breakdown? Then your children will have no mother and your husband will be bereft of a wife. If I recall your story correctly, your body does not even want to bear offspring and it is only because of medical science and immediate and aggressive hormonal treatment that you were able to have the family that you do. It's not a contest to see who can have the most children. Also, perhaps at some point you would like to do something other than define yourself almost exclusively as a continuous bearer of progeny.
It seems that using the MIrena device (especially now that you can get it done for free - YAY!!) sounds like an excellent idea at this point in your life. If you decide that seven children is your limit, then seriously consider a permanent solution, either tubal ligation or vasectomy -- I highly endorse the latter!!
Placing your children in school also seems like another stellar idea. Children need consistent, structured learning environments that you might be unable to provide while caring for your many infants. They also need to socialize with other children and have other authority figures (teachers) in their lives. This is the 21st century and education is crucial.
Best of luck to you.
Turandot, I am not sure what your implying about their education but I am an educated teacher so I know my children are getting a first class education and as for permanent birth control....well even temporary wont be happening. I came to my senses and of course I was overwhelmed. I had a newborn when I wrote this and it was holiday where finances are tight and whatnot. Many factors went into that. Anyhow I feel vibrant and much better. But thanks for your concern
Janis,
Thanks for your reply. I was not inferring that your home schooling skills are not up to par -- I was merely responding to your heartfelt comments about your children's socialization/education, pressures of caring for 7 young children, etc. I am pleased for you that the stressors of a newborn, the holidays, family finances, etc. have resolved themselves and that you find yourself on an even keel again. I guess Superwoman is back!
I look forward, as we all do, to following your interesting life's journey.
All the best.
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