Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Finnley and Fynnick

This is a post I have been meaning to write for a while, but really not for anything but myself. It will certainly be controversial and I don't mean for it to be, but when it comes to the afterlife, no one can agree anyhow. Where do I start?

We began trying for Fynnick shortly after Finnley's death. We were having trouble and it is way more complicated than this sounds, but I finally ended up talking with a friend who is also a medium. She reassured me that not only would we get pregnant, but it would be a boy AND it was Finnley's soul coming back to us. I became very intrigued with this and read a lot about reincarnation, basically everything I could get my hands on. At one point I read somewhere that if a baby is going to reincarnate to its same family, it's within a 6 month time frame typically as the soul will need to journey on. At the 5.5 month mark we were not pregnant and I was so devastated that IF this reincarnation "thing" was a possibility, the window of time was running out. His second vasectomy reversal wasn't planned for a few more days and I had pretty much lost hope. I still wanted another baby regardless though so we stayed the course. He came home to recover only for us to find out I had indeed conceived BEFORE the surgery by some absolute miracle and it was also within that 6 month time frame. I am still unsure how important that time frame actually is, but I found it to be a true miracle.

Speed up a few months and my midwife finally calls with the gender results from our early screening......HE is a boy. She's crying, I'm crying......I let my mind go there, could this be him, FINNLEY? Could my friend have been right? I continue the pregnancy basically talking to him all the time and asking him if he is Finnley's soul to please send us a clear sign, something that would be so obvious.

Delivery day comes and I hear the exact words the minute I meet him as when Finnley was born, my midwife yelling at me not to pull anymore to bring him to my chest because his cord is way too short. These two are the only ones I have ever had short cords with. Of course this may mean nothing. He's out finally and I make myself wait til much later to sneak a glimpse of his entire body ESPECIALLY the back of his neck. Finnley had a birthmark, a stork bite, my only child to ever have one and low and behold I see the EXACT mark on Fynnick's neck. It's dark red and I get chills over my entire body. I dare not to believe this is Finnley sending a blatent sign to me, but in my mind I know this is it.

Fynnick takes Finnley's binky on night one like he'e been reunited with his old friend.  His soul is old and his eyes show it. This boy has been here, I feel it, I think to myself. Time passes and they suck their thumb the same exact way in those early days. They look similar and I trick Nate with side by sides of them. One day I go to google photos to find a pic and I realize that this sophisticated technology has lumped my two sons into one facial recognition category. Every photo of Fynn and Finn are there together. Another sign?

Speaking of more signs, I had worn Finnley's ashes in my necklace since right after he died. Fynnick was obsessed with it and constantly grabbing at it. I had been feeling a pull to stop wearing it as it was combersome, but that felt super disrespectful and dishonoring to Finnley. One evening Fynnick was pulling at it and I looked down and saw some weird powder on him. My heart sunk when I realized that the superglued screw in the necklace had somehow dislodged and Fynnick was covered in Finnley's ashes. At that point I felt like Finnley was telling me, "It's time, you don't need to wear this, I am here." I put it away for safe keeping and felt immense healing.

I have had so many people and our other kids say things nonchalantly about Fynnick being so similar to Finnley or how "It's like he just came back mom." This is all information I have largely kept to myself, but I wanted to document it for later. #soiremember #important #allthefeels #FinnandFynn Regardless of his sweet little soul "matters," he has brought worlds of healing, so much healing. We love him so much and needed him more than he may ever know.

No comments: