Today is rounding out week 6 of pregnancy. I turn 7 weeks tomorrow. Morning sickness isn't intolerable yet, but it is there lingering and attacking especially if I eat something greasy, acidic or spicy. This stage is always a bit cumbersome for me. It is the balance of not feeling too great, not knowing whether there is even a human in your uterus and waiting. The wait for our first appointment is starting to feel brutally long even though it flew up to this point. We go August 9th, next Thursday to meet our midwife and get an ultrasound. For now I just keep my nose to grindstone and work hard on the farm to pass the time.
A lot has happened this week. Last Monday evening, the sheriff deputies came by to let us know Maple and Musket were on his property hurting and killing sheep. He shot and killed Maple and shot at Musket, but thought he missed. The week drug on and I cried over our losses. As days passed, I lost hope that Musket would return. I prayed he ran the wrong direction when shot at and was just lost. I called the Humane Society and spread the word via facebook groups, emails and other apps to get anyone's attention as to his whereabouts. Yesterday morning, 6 days after he first disappeared, I woke up to the sound of a mail truck. A USPS truck on my front porch on a Sunday morning with Musket standing there to greet the mail lady??? Clearing I was dreaming still right? I rubbed the sleepies out of my eyes and blinked a few times and when I opened the door, there he was in my arms, in the flesh. I couldn't believe it. I am still perplexed by the Sunday mail truck, but that is a whole different story. He lived through 6 days on the hot summer back country in Oregon completely alone. I have him home safe.....a happy ending.
Speaking of happy, Millie had her litter of pups on Wednesday, 2 days after we lost Maple and Musket so it helped distract us all for a time during the week. She had 4 girls, 3 boys, but we lost a female yesterday to what we believe was fading puppy syndrome. It happened very fast. She passed within 5 hours of the onset of symptoms. Millie has been a phenomenal mother though. She hasn't smashed or hurt any pups, which is rare for this breed due to their enormous size. She is exceptionally big and this was her first litter so I braced for the worst. What a pleasant surprise it has been. She is tender and gentle and the picture of motherhood in all his beauty.
Right as Millie decided to give birth, Nate and I were supposed to be leaving for a much needed 24 hours off the farm in a tiny cabin in Silverton and lots of other fun little plans. Tanner responsibly stepped up and offered to stay next to the pups all night so we could continue on our plans. It was so nice to escape and enjoy good food(while it still tasted semi-good), laughter and rest. The tiny cabin we stayed in gave way to inspiration for our own tiny cabin and our date turned to some thrift shopping to start getting our own tiny cabin finished and placed on AirBnB.
On top of all the other happenings this week, Grandpa was in town which is how we were able to escape on our 24 hour adventure off the farm! Thank you Grandpa! While he was here we were able to also take him down to the creek where we enjoy many hot summer evenings after a long day in the fields.
Lastly, the farm.......it has been incredibly hot and overwhelming. I won't deny that I feel I overtasked myself this season. I changed my smaller plans, directly after we lost Finnley, to very large plans. At the time I felt I would need full emersion in my work. I was somewhat correct, but finding myself at a different phase of grief and life, I am wearing down. Grief has a funny was of streamlining you and putting you onto a very busy auto-pilot mode. A mode where days, weeks and months just keep passing and I am almost like a passerby watching my life unfold more rapidly than my brain can keep up with. I sort of like it that way because it helps fill up time I might be crying. Although, the evenings have their ways. It still creeps in. There are still triggers. I am still sad at pregnancy announcements oddly, even though I am pregnant. Maybe that is because I know now that there REALLY are no guarantees. I think this will resolve itself as I reach later milestones in pregnancy and things feel more real. Simply seeing a heartbeat right now would be so helpful and reassuring. I still think about Finnley throughout every day. Sometimes I can think of happy moments without being sad, but not typically. It is still too raw, August 10 will be 7 months since I said goodbye to my sweet boy. I am unsure where so much time went. I am unsure about future time. I try not to overwhelm myself with so many racing thoughts about this new little person, like whether it will be a boy or girl and will I be okay if it IS a boy, will I be okay if it ISN'T a boy? There are so many things that pop into my head. I push them away and try to let processing happen in tiny, digestible pieces or I think my head will explode. For today, I will bury myself back into farm work, puppy cuddling and parenting our other 8 kiddos.
Our week 6 CSA share
