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We are journeying out of calling ourselves Quiverfull. This is not to the offense of anyone who claims this title. I took the blogroll off my page though because we are no longer comfortable with calling ourselves this. We are just baby lovers. We love children and we take em as they naturally come. This will be my last Quiverfull label post. We believe in God, but don't feel he mandates all people to have babies all the time. It wouldnt work for everyone and we get that. We just love babies and let em come, but maybe at some point we will lose our sanity and stop! :) Who knows. For now though, we are TTC #7.....YES ttc! That isn't very QF and I know that so oh well. No more label for us.Yippy Skippy, hoping we get preggers with our seventh/tie breaker soon!

Oh Baby-Maybe?

I was feeling a bit funny last week, kind of emotional, kind of bloated, kinda broken out.....you get the picture. I was thinking maybe AF would be showing up soon since I haven't had one since Maddy's birth so I know she will be showing sometime. Kenna weaned right at the first of the year and I guess that was just enough to trigger things. I ended up realizing Friday that all the pain I was having was ovulation. I am very excited at the idea that we may have another baby on the way to our family. I am trying not to be, but I can't help it. I have to take progesterone starting @ 3dpo if there is any chance of staying pregnant so I went ahead and started that yesterday. I woke up this morning with such terrible nausea, but if I am pregnant, it will be worth it. I have continued to be queasy throughout the day. I will be able to test Sunday so crossyour fingers for us that maybe there will be another beautiful baby coming to our family soon. Maddy is 10 months now so they would be pretty close in age. Funny thing, I would be due Oct 26th and I go 1 month early so I would have ANOTHER baby around Sept 28th. Its crazy how much my body likes to have a baby around that time. Kayla and Kenna were both born Sept 28th. So who knows, maybe we will end up on the news haha. I will update with results as soon as we know.

Getting way ahead of myself, but....IF we are preggs, we are planning Gunner for a boy(no clue for a middle...possibly Adam or Nathan) and Hallie Jane for a girl. These are tentative of course, but definitely a high probability.

Update on Genetic Testing

I am so excited! The geneticist called today and told us that Nate and I's genes are perfect. We have absolutely no anomalies to note. That means Wyatt's gene abnormality probably wouldnt carry over to his children and it also means that anymore children we have are likely to have no issues. His genetic coding must have been spontaneous disturbed during the sperm and egg meet up when cells started to divide. I am so greatful to have gotton such good news right before Christmas.

7 months/AKA 28 Weeks!!

There's the belly shot from today after I got out of the shower. We are getting closer, 59 days til my induction. I am really getting excited to meet my new daughter.

17.5 Weeks Pregnant With Madelynn

This isnt my fondest look lol! I prefer very thin or VERY pregnant, but hey, who's complaining right! :0) Just so blessed to be pregnant!

Books Books Books

My most recent reads were A Full Quiver by Rick and Jan Hess and Family UNplanning by Craig Houghton. A Full Quiver was funny, enticing and I read it in 2 days! It was so good and even if someone were convinced by what they have to say, they would love this book as it makes many valid points. Family UNplanning, I have just started really, but it looks like it will be good as well. Trusting Heavenly Father to plan your family takes so much strength and sometimes I need the little boost that quiverful books and blogs can give.

We're.........

PLEASE PLEASE pray for us yet again. I cant believe it, I am in total shock.....but you guessed it, I just tested this am and another BFP. For those who remember I m/c June 10th. I felt really witchy and hungry the last few days and assumed af was coming, our bd timing wasn't anywhere close to O so this is a real shocker to say the least. I almost fell over when I tested lol. I called the dr and will be starting Progesterone today, oh joy! I am thankful to start it, but scared of how sick its gonna make me!

Update July 9th afternoon-I went out and bought a few more preggy tests. I took another and wow, huge difference in lines since just this morning. All is well, I just feel it. My lines are darker right now than they ever got with the last pregnancy that I just recently lost. This has to be a good sign. The Dr called in my Progesterone script and I go in at 4 this afternoon to pick it up and start it. The lady actually remembered me, she was such a sweetheart. All is going quite well so far. yay

July 10th update: Well I started Progesterone last night and seemed to be well. I got up this am happily ready to pee on another stick to see some even more beautiful lines than yesterday. Instead, I see faint, terrible lines. My heart is so sick. I dont understand why this keeps happening to me. I am so angry and I am trying not to be, but really I am. I have sat here the last 15 minutes in my head begging God to tell me why. What could be causing this? Nursing I wonder? Am I just not worthy enough to be a mother of 6? Does He think now is not a good time? What will the dr say now? Will he poke me some more to run tests? I am just hurting and sad. OF course bleeding hasnt begun, but I know it will in the next several days. Instead of celebrating being 4 weeks along today, I mourn and wait for newly discovered pregnancy to end once again.

July 11th update: So the pregnancy tests are still positive. I dont know what to think right now. I am asking the Dr for HCG and P testing when I call. I am hoping to get them to just draw today and again Monday. My temp was gorgeous this am, but that could be false from the P....who knows. I guess I am just praying for a miracle, but remaining realistic for my heart's sake. He is mighty above all though and I know that only He knows the outcome of this pregnancy and has good reasons for what what He does. I just pray so hard that we are able to meet this beautiful baby in March 2009. I just got off the phone with the specialist and he pushed it off on primary care to do the labwork so now I hope they will order it when I call. I swear all these protocols are ridiculous.

July 11th afternoon update: Well I just got back from doing all the bloodwork. Good news is my tests have gone totally negative so I can stop taking P and move on with the next cycle. We wont try, we dont prevent, God is sovereign and knows what is best for us and we will conceive only if it is meant to happen. As for the bloodwork, holy cow, that was insane. I almost fainted when the I saw the 10+ viles sitting there, esp when I stupidly glanced at them after they were all filled. I was tested for everything under the sun. Basically antiphospholipids, antigens, coagulating issues, you name it, I was tested for it. They also did an HCG which is probably completely negative since this afternoons tests are negative. This month is a complete repeat of last month, like to a T. If I start bleeding tomorrow than it will be exactly the same dpo that bleeding began even. Sorta weird. That tells me that whatever it is, it must be the same issue. My bets are that all is well and its simply low P. I will start P quite early next month. I am also calling to switch medical groups so I can get a new doc that believes in P before a BFP.

July 12th update: Still not bleeding, but my temp did plummet this morning and I am crampy. I am 16dpo and my tests are now completely negative. I stopped P last night and I am praying that bleeding doesnt begin until after our pool party today. I cant imagine being bogged down with bleeding and trying to help my younger 4 kids who dont know how to swim. I somehow feel better about everything today. I know its gonna be okay. I know I will eventually have a 6th child, in fact DH and I feel we are meant to be parents of 8 blessings. We have always sort of felt this way. My fertile years will run out much faster according to the medical world because of all the cysts I have so I think over the next few years, pregnancy will probably end up further and further spaced which is fine too. I am just thrilled how easily we are getting pregnant... I mean that is half the battle right? Praise God for that!

July 13th update: Well the bleeding finally began. Praise God for that. I was sick of sitting here waiting. This pregnancy lasted 1 day longer than my last, last month. I got my medical group switched and I will be seeing an excellent ob now who happens to be the same religion and has similar beleifs. That will make life much easier.

A New Day, A Better Life

The love of my life
All the kids and I camping last week

In light of the past weeks events, Nate and I have had lots of talks and lots of time to think and rethink. Looking back, I was probably interrupting Heavenly Father's plan by charting, temping and peeing on sticks. This shouldn't become a life's obsession and hasn't been up until the past ovulation when I got overly obsessive peeing on sticks to find out if we had indeed fallen pregnant this past cycle. I am putting myself back into check. I did this for 2 long years ttc Kenna and I just wont do it again. I don't like the emotional investment it encompasses. I refuse to be in that place again. I am putting this back where it should be, in His hands. I am going to keep my fertilityfriend account, but for the first time, I will ONLY use it to record my periods, nothing else really needs to be there. I will test if and only after I miss my period. I cannot be testing early and obsessing each month. Its a waste of finance and emotional energy. I am so grateful to have 5 children and a sweet baby girl who is still nursing at that. I need to count my blessings, not the blessings I do not yet have. I know in His time, we will fall pregnant again and have more children. If we do not, then it was not His will for our family. We will remain faithful and quiverful, but this just needs to be left to Him. I want to continue enjoying Kenna as I have til this past month when the "maybe I am pregnant" monster took over. I love sitting down quietly to nurse my sweet baby girl, there is nothing better in the entire world and I am forever grateful for today, for each moment. I sometimes just need a kick in the pants to remind me to enjoy my children, every ounce of their youth because I can't get today back and tomorrow may not be there. Back to my regularly scheduled enjoyment of my beautiful family. I placed the order yesterday for our Sonlight curriculum, it costed 1,000 dollars and it derailed our Dave Ramsey budget for this month, but we honestly felt our children's education was more important right now, right here, TODAY than having debt paid off tomorrow. Our debt is only 6,000 now so we are very close to being done. We have a plan to be debt free by July 15th so it is coming quick enough and as I stated in earlier posts when we decided to do this budget, we decided no matter what, our children wouldn't suffer from it. I am proud to say that we have managed to hold completely to that and still pay down debt at a phenomenal rate. It can be done, you can have the best of both. I am also excited to say we bought all our emergency readiness kits the other night at a church function so we are ready for a big quake or whatever natural disaster might hit. That too was a good reason to derail from our budget this month. I am glad to be prepared, to have good solid curriculum on its way and to be living in joy for each day and loving what is and not what could have been.

Pregnancy Updates

I will use this post to keep family and friends updated on the pregnancy for now.

June 9th--Got bloodwork back from thursday, June 5th and HCG was 9 and Progesterone was 12.5. Dr said at this point Progesterone is just fine and she is not worried at all yet. She said to quit testing and go on as a happily pregnant person so I am trying to do just that!

June 10th, todays test was barely visable. My temp had plumetted 1.4 degrees. The bleeding hit hard out of nowhere this morning. I am cramping terribly and bleeding heavy. I am so sad, but I knew in my heart and I am glad I stayed realistic. DH has been a total sweetheart. Unfortunately he has become a professional on how to help a woman through a miscarriage. He was pretty excited yesterday after the dr called and said all was well and I could see the disapointment on his face this morning. He just hugged me after I told him that I had started to bleed and told me how sorry he was and told me that I am a great woman. How lucky am I? I am so thankful to be married to him. He is really the best man I know. He just said, "Babe let's stay away from all the voodoo and quit temping and peeing on sticks, lets just have fun and make a baby." He is right so I am not ordering anymore opks or anything from anywhere. I am just gonna hang in there and wait it out to 14dpo from now on and *if* af doesnt show, I will test, otherwise, it just creates too much drama for me. Its too much heartache. It would have been easier to just not know I think. We now have a 3rd angel.