As the title would suggest, baby is now 9 weeks today and approximately 1 inch long, about the size of a grape. It is becoming easier and easier to find it's little heart beat on the doppler now that he/she has grown to a larger size. I am still battling exhaustion and nausea, but knock on wood, I haven't once thrown up. I am much better off than I was during the first trimester with Finnley. I threw up until I lost 16 lbs with him. I am holding steady this time. This makes me think it may be a girl. The boys have always had a tendency to make me extremely sick. Their hormones are poison to my body lol!
We got to see our little sweet gummy bear again this week when we met our new midwife. She is something so special. She knows our story and the compassion is so apparent. I feel like we are in the best hands possible at this time with her and can't remember a pregnancy where I loved my provider after just one visit. We are very excited for her to be part of this journey with our pregnancy and delivery.
2 months. At 34 having 2 back to back pregnancies I am seeing the affects. My tummy didn't quite deflate fully and maybe I am bloated?? I guess this is our 10th baby so I should just thank my lucky stars, but this was hard to even post.
At 8W2D heart rate was in the 150's and baby looked perfect!
Flower Sisters(and brother) selling bouquets at CSA pick up
This crazy girl is nearly done with CNA school!
Week 9 CSA share
Our sweet boy turned 9 months old in Heaven yesterday. My God how I miss him every day. It suffocates me with sadness to see pictures and videos of him. It feels so real like I can just reach into the video and kiss and touch him, but I know I can't. It hurts like the most raw and pure form of hell that a person could every experience in this life.
This summer hasn't afforded much of any opportunities, as far as time is concerned, to enjoy many recreational activities. When we do get a rare afternoon off work, we love to head to the creek, bring popsicles and chips and swim until the sun is heading down. Even those fun excursions can sometimes be tainted by a trigger. We went this week and a woman took her tiny baby boy and stuffed him into an oversized life vest and left him to float on his back in the water while he screamed. The water is cold. I will rarely fully submerge myself. I was shocked and horrified watching this mother as she laughed. I just couldn't even. There were no words and thankfully I managed to keep my mouth shut. My kids, however, looked on at her horrified by what they were witnessing as well. I felt vindicated when I saw them taking notice of this lady. I wasn't insane. It triggered them too. Most days we get through with plenty of hugs and smiles and can even talk about Finnley in a happy light, but some days these triggers bring about huge emotions in all of us. I tried to just move on and focus on my kids with their popsicle stained lips and big grins. It was best for everyone and I know not all people parent the same so I knew my place wasn't to say anything. I feel like if anything good will come of this, it is the compassion and love my kids will carry forward for their own babies. I feel like they will be amazing parents one day and better than they would be if not for what we have gone through. I know they won't take a moment with their own children for granted after losing their baby brother. Finnley had so many purposes here in his short life and I see them each and every day. It's important to find and take notice of those blessings in order to find something positive in such a horrific tragedy.
We continue to brain storm how we will achieve a work life balance next season. Nate and I working 80 hours each a week is NOT balance. Luckily our kids do work alongside us often so we are getting one on one time and even "family" time this way, but it is less than ideal. Our kids are pretty good sports about helping, but their excitement for school to start again tells me they are probably fed up with working too. We have tossed around the idea of employees running the farm under a farm manager, not farming at all next year and all the ideas in between. Having a baby in March means I will be completely out as far as helping much at all during one of the critical times of the season......spring plantings. This will be an evolving process through the fall and winter when we MUST buckle down plans. I am unsure of what to think about it really. In all honesty, I wouldn't mind a season off and just growing for ourselves, canning and enjoying homesteading. On the other hand, I identify so closely with my job that I don't know what I am without it. I love what I do, but need balance. Open to ideas!