I forced myself to go to our annual Halloween party at our friend's house and I am SO glad I did. Getting out with my amazing hubby, kidless, was a good idea. I felt good all evening and never puked once. It was a really fun, puke free time! Maybe I need to try and force myself to get together and go somewhere more often to combat the pukes:0)
Saturday, October 29, 2011
The pics speak for themselves. Pumpkin carving was fun and I even managed to muster a green sea sick smile with my dirty wittle baby Jax in arms:) Toughing out these feelings(nausea that is) during holidays is definately hard. I am glad for the distraction though!
Belly picture from the day I turned 8 weeks. I am probably thinner this week simply because 9 weeks has been the most puking I have ever done during any pregnancy. I am SICK, I mean, really sick this week. I passed out alone with my 3 little ones 3 days ago, when I woke up on the floor, I realized they were playing with a jar of pickled jalapenos and a knife. It was very scary. I suppose I was severely dehydrated and that's why it happened. I did call my dr and he was supposed to call in zofran for me yesterday which never happened so now I get to harass them on Monday and beg for the meds. I also got the call that I failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test....like miserably failed it soooooo it looks like I go for the 3 hour as soon as I feel I can do it without puking. Ah the joys of pregnancy. To be very honest, being an unplanned pregnancy, this one has been really tough on me emotionally. I feel like a spoiled brat to even say it, but I am not coming to terms to well with this. Being so sick is just adding to the misery 10 fold. If I could, I would cryogenically freeze this baby for 5 years until I felt more ready for it. This is just tough. From my Dr's best guess, it looks as if I had gotten pregnant while still on my period so for those who chart to avoid, good luck! I thought I knew my body pretty well and we avoided during the "fertile" time like normal, but this time my fertile time came a whole week earlier than it was supposed to. :( I know I will love this sweet little baby when it gets here, I just truly hate pregnancy and believe this will be my last. Nate and I are considering options right now to either do an IUD or have him get a vasectomy. If any of you have used an IUD, please give me your thoughts and opinions about it. I also would like to know which one you had, Paraguard or Mirena and your likes/dislikes. Thanks so much!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
We took our annual trip to the pumpkin patch, only this year we were "weekenders." My idea of the word is people who crowd into such places on weekends because we have never had to be THOSE people. We used to go on weekdays because we have always homeschooled. It was VERY crowded and hot and I puked 5X yesterday morning before even walking out the door, but we still managed to have a lot of fun being "weekenders." The kids are so ready for trick or treating. We have a Halloween party next friday night and they have Halloween parties in their classes and get to wear their costumes to school so they are looking forward to that:) Nate and I are also dressing up this year and I am pretty excited for our costumes, I will post pics from our Halloween party we are going to next week!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Dad and I after 7 years
Sis, Bro-bot, Dad and Me
All the Grandbabies!
This Thanksgiving would have been exactly 7 years since the last time I saw my dad. During that time, my parents were going through a nasty divorce and I was being blamed for taking my mom's side if I even so much as talked to her. My dad was stressing me out so badly over a divorce he very much did NOT want, that I started experiencing panic attacks when he would call. Our relationship became very toxic to my emotional health, but still I kept trying to reason with him. I got counseling and still tried reasoning with him. Finally, at our last holiday together for a very long time(at the time I had no idea it would be), my dad told me he no longer could talk to me if I was going to continue talking to my mom. That was completely unfair. My mom and I have had our differences, but to blackmail out of a relationship with her??? I told him that if he really felt that way that he shouldn't call me anymore because I had no intention of ending my relationship with my Mom just because he said so.
So years have passed. I have been very sad, angry and hurt over this "little" issue and had my moments of crying. Yet, I had also sort of written him off as if he were dead because my dad is the kind of man who doesn't change his mind when he makes a decision like that. Fast forward to now; my grandpa died a month ago. It was hard on my dad as he was his caregiver and I think mortality is hitting him directly in the face. My entire family got together for the funeral Friday. I was invited and did not go. I think part of it was fear. I couldn't handle going and being rejected all over again. I didn't want to revisit that wound. I just couldn't.
Yesterday morning, my brother calls and says he is BBQing and asks me to come and see my dad. Deep down I desperately wanted to, but I was so scared he would be mean or reject me again. My sister was there though and she also had not seen him for 7 years and she said that I really should come. So, I went. It was an extremely emotional reunion. It was something I never expected to happen in my lifetime and yet as angry as I have been, I felt it all melt away when he embraced me and sobbed. I cried and clung to him, my dad, aged, grey, changed and yet comfortably the same familiar person he always was growing up. He followed me around and asked everything he could think of about my life and the kids. He genuinely seemed sorry and sad for all the time lost, all the missed births of children(including Jaxxon who was born 6 weeks early and landed my dads birthday), the holidays.......everything. I felt his sorry, he didn't even need to say it. We joked with each other just like old times. I introduced all the kids one by one and most were stand-offish. He's a stranger to my kids. It's gonna take much more time for them than it did for me. They haven't known him all these years. Kayla was 4 the last time she saw him so she said she kind of remembered him, but even still, she wasn't enthusiastic to go hang out with Grandpa too much. They were all polite, but uninterested. It wasn't an old familiar face for them and that makes me sad, but I hope that one day he will be.
I just hope he will never make the decision to reject us from his life again. I couldn't take it. It was an amazing day with a lot of tears, but I am so grateful for the chance. I am really hoping to spend more time with him this week before he goes back to his home in Arizona. I also hope to have this Thanksgiving together with him as it will be our first in 7 years. Looking forward to the new future and best of all, he will know this new baby from birth! Soon enough, I think he will become a household name:).........at least I hope.
Friday, October 14, 2011
I am feeling awful, so very awful. I am so sick, so very sick. I am terribly dehydrated today and had my first breakdown and cry this morning over the morning sickness. I have literally had it. I want to feel better. I am desperate and if you know a secret that will stave this feeling off, PLEASE share! I am living off soups. I am thin and I am pale. My house is begging to be scrubbed. My kids are walking all over me because they can. :( C'mon week 13!!! Gosh that feels so very far away; that's Thanksgiving:(
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Okay, ultrasound was awesome, baby looks a little further along, one perfect wittle bean with arms and legs already. Yolk sac already appeared to be gone, and a perfect heartbeat! We find out the due date Monday. The tech refused to give me a picture....some lovely new protocol if you are before your second trimester??? Ridiculous. It was a great day though, I'm feeling much more happy and connected to the pregnancy than I was feeling previously. :-)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Tuesday.......that will be our first ultrasound for this pregnancy. I have a strange hunch its twins. like. seriously. I have been extremely sick and I had major cramping for 3 days at ovulation time instead of 1 day. I have cramping on both sides like there is a corpous luteum cyst on each side. My uterus already feels heavy and huge(could be because this is my 12th pregnancy haha). Tuesday we will know for sure whats going on with the pregnancy, viability and how many. I wish the next 40 hours would vanish quick. I will be back soon with an update either way.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Kenna on her new bike, 4 years old now~~yay
turned the homeschool room into a bedroom for Kayla while she was at shool and surprised her when she got home! Its such a huge, nice room. She was ecstatic!
Can't believe she is 11 already! So cool that her and Kenna share their special day though
Get your circus popcorn
Nana made the delish cake!
Pin the nose on the clown upside down heheheehe
Wyatt the clown
Jaxxon with his 1st birthday cake! My baby turns 1, 10-10-10 !!!! Time flies
Kayla opening gifts
Kenna opening gifts
Baby Jaxxon opening his gifts!
I am so grateful to all our family and friends who came and made the kid's birthday an extra special one! Kayla and Kenna turned 11 and 4 on Sept 28th and Jaxxon turns 1 on 10-10-10 so we combined their birthdays to one big circus birthday bash! :) It was a fun day. I am glad I pulled it off before I started puking all day. :)