Looking back at this week's pictures, I realized I am really not taking enough. I am especially lacking in the ones that count the most, my rapidly growing kiddos. I am making it this week's goal to do better.
Week 7 brought no more morning sickness which is shocking. I am still slightly nauseated here and there, but for the most part, I am still feeling way too well. Despite my fears and concerns, we had a surprise early ultrasound Wednesday because of some pretty bad pain on my left side. There was some worry about an ectopic and thankfully that was not the case. I do, however, have a large corpus luteum cyst on that side which is likely the cause of the pain. Anyhow, baby looked so perfect and we cried at the sight of it's little heart fluttering. What a relief. Here it is in all it's 6W6D glory! Heart rate was 118 and CRL .8cm
I then found it's little heart beat at home at 7W3D on my doppler. 134bpm
I hate to sound insane, but based on Ramzi theory which was correct with all my other kids......this one would be I think a girl. Time will tell. Was Ramzi correct for you? Studies show it is correct 97.5% of the time. Here is a link. https://www.thegenderexperts.com/ramzi-theory/ Dig up your old 6-8 week ultrasounds and let me know. I sent mine to the experts today and I will update for sure when I get results later. They said boy, but they guessed the placenta to be in the bottom left side of the photo, midwife confirmed its in the upper right which would be girl! Time will tell.
This fun little treasure showed up this week to leave me a blubbering and teary eyed mess. Turns out it was my brother and sister in law who sent it. They too, have experienced the tragedy of infant loss. Theirs was a stillbirth. They lost my nephew Ford just 14 months before we lost Finnley. We talk about them having each other on the other side. I pray they do. Either way, we decided this sweet little onesie will be worn by this sweetie in March for it's going home outfit. I will add a bow or beanie depending on the sex of baby. :)
Funny and strange, but our CSA weeks correspond with our pregnancy weeks. So week 7 of our CSA is also a wrap. Here is the beautifully abundant share from this week's bounty. The joys of mid summer when food is fresh and abundant.
Here is a quick, adorable shot I got of "Grandma" Sandi helping Millie mother the puppies. It takes a village and these dogs understand it! Puppies turn 2 weeks Wednesday. Taking deposits here http://www.bearbranchfarms.com/great-pyrenees-puppies
In other thoughts for the week, I am continuing to struggle with time running, the feeling of barely meeting all of life's requirements at minimal standard and at the last second. I am unsure whether this is hormones, depression or long term effects of grief. I question everything, but I take no action for change. I am sort of stuck in this bizarre autopilot that I spoke of last week......I literally don't even have the energy to give up or change anything currently. I need to, I want to, but I can't. I am a prisoner to my own, I don't know, I am just trapped in this state of now. I keep hoping time will help this feeling, but it is most certainly not. I am counting down to the season's ending of markets and to quieter times when kids return to school so that I may be able to figure myself out. I am allowing myself to be stuck this way for now while life is running at such a rapid pace. I am embracing the idea of fall and with it, quieter and simpler days, but at the same time I am not ready to let go of the long warm summer days that I find polar opposite the day Finnley passed. I am almost terrified to feel the cold, dark days of winter again. Today is long and warm and sunny. I will continue in the now on autopilot until something gives. Maybe I will look for a self help book that I won't have time to read. If you have suggestions, I am all ears.
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