Religion, or legalism is the problem. When I step back, rip away all the "good wife, good mother, good this and that books," I actually miss having a relationship with God. I do believe. I don't know what I believe about the Bible at this point and time as I have read so much in reference to it that is annoying or discrediting, but I do know in my heart that God exists. I cannot go a day without praying several times "on accident," lately as I was just over everything and trying to step back from it all. I need to be able to pray and realized that it is so natural to me that its like drinking water during the day. I just feel that God has to be real, up there. I don't know much else at this point as I don't really believe much more than that right now.
Religion is definately the problem and even the Bible which I certainly don't take 100% literally anymore says "James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." This is merely one example of many I could pull up. Basically what I am getting at is that a relationship with your God, whoever he may be, is what is important and for me......essential to live. Its also being a good person, not some crazy rules about skirts, having as many children as your body can produce, etc. I cannot believe that a loving God would be in Heaven, angry at me for being bisexual if that is how I was created by Him. I'm definately not trying to sit here and toot my own horn, but I feel I am a generally good person, practicing good deeds as an example to my children and being a charitable, kind and thoughtful type of mother and that is what I feel is important. I don't care about prescribed rules of religion. In fact, I want nothing to do with them, yet I believe in my heart of hearts God must exist because trying to shut Him out for even more than a day is impossible for me. It literally cannot happen. I have kept all this private until now because I really thought for a day there, maybe even 2, that I didn't believe in God at all. While following "Religion," I missed the entire point and made myself miserable too.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." This is merely one example of many I could pull up. Basically what I am getting at is that a relationship with your God, whoever he may be, is what is important and for me......essential to live. Its also being a good person, not some crazy rules about skirts, having as many children as your body can produce, etc. I cannot believe that a loving God would be in Heaven, angry at me for being bisexual if that is how I was created by Him. I'm definately not trying to sit here and toot my own horn, but I feel I am a generally good person, practicing good deeds as an example to my children and being a charitable, kind and thoughtful type of mother and that is what I feel is important. I don't care about prescribed rules of religion. In fact, I want nothing to do with them, yet I believe in my heart of hearts God must exist because trying to shut Him out for even more than a day is impossible for me. It literally cannot happen. I have kept all this private until now because I really thought for a day there, maybe even 2, that I didn't believe in God at all. While following "Religion," I missed the entire point and made myself miserable too.
9 comments:
Start over with just simply having a relationship with the creator God based on the fact thats why He created you. Don't worry about trying to be a pefect Christian. Study the grace in the new testament.
Faith in God isn't about rules, the Law wasn't created for us to follow and to made righteous. It was created to point out to us that we are sinners (bc sin entered the world through Adam & Eve), but because we were created to fellowship with God, God sent His Son who knew no sin to be sin for us. Peace doesn't come from self-righteousness, but faith that we are right with God on Christ's account.
I see this through my relationship with my 19mo old daughter. I don't love her bc she's perfect (she's not ;). I love her bc she's my daughter. I didn't "create" her to mindlessly follow my rules and to be self-righteous, but we desired children to have relationships with and to love on. Sometimes she tries to "help" me and normally it's more of a hinderance, but it melts my heart that she does it out of love. God doesn't love us bc we are "good" but bc we do good out of love.
I admire you for seeking TRUTH. Keep doing it. I'd say read your Bible (love the NIV study bibe) and stay away if you can from "christian living/self help" books. Don't even take my word. Read scripture/compare notes and commentary on different verses, pray, and follow your own heart (which obviously you are doing already ;)
Take care,
Leah
Leah, thank you for your support, that was eloquently put!
I agree with Leah 100%! =)
I would look into Universal Unitarian which believes in God, but doesn't attach a set of rules or doctrine and has many view points.
Wow, I just read my comment and pretty sure I had more than a few annoying typos, but hope you got the gist :) I had actually typed up a whole nice long comment before that and accidently deleted it so that was my quick rewrite that hopefully made sense! Blessings to you and your family, Janis!
I second what Lexie suggests. (Checking out the UU.) I feel God is too big to fit into one book.
If Christianity is where you find your worship expression, I would look into the United Church of Christ. They will support your spiritual journey, while not going into legalism.
I appreciate you sharing your journey, BTW. I think you are very brave.
I second the advice to visit a Unitarian Universalist church. I also suggest visiting a United Church of Christ. They are loving and supportive without being legalistic.
Thank you for all the help guys. I do think I fall somewhere liberally in the Christian category and we have an amazing, non-legalistic baptist church about 1 block away that we went to for a long time, havent been since around June for an actual service, but may go back. We go each week there for Karate and a few of the kids asked to join Awanas there on Wednesday nights so they just started that. Our nearest UU church is an hour away so that just isn't very feasible for me
You sound a lot like me and I just wanted to say way to go on following your truth! I wish you the best and love reading the honesty of your blog!
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