Saturday, June 7, 2008

Loosing it---UPDATE***

From a line like this(sorry camera is broke, Disclaimer, THESE arent MY pictures, thats why I put line *like this and not, here is my test. I also wrote that my camera is broke. We borrowed FILS camera last week for camping so I still had it to take my last preggo pics, but we gave it back)
To a line like this

I cannot freaking beleive it. I started getting darker tests yesterday and this morning, then this afternoon, BAM, lighter....like way light. I wanna burry my head in a pillow and cry forever. I have dropped to my knees in prayer today, but I am having so much trouble praising the God who is taking this baby back away when we are so thrilled to have it be a part of our family. My heart is being literally ripped from my being. I hate infertility. Its painful. My Dr should have me already on progesterone, but no, we had to wait for results to come back(monday they will be here---which will be too late....AGAIN) and he will have now murdered our third baby. I say murder because these m/c's could have probably ALL been prevented had he simply given me progesterone sooner. Its painful to look at my kids, its painful to nurse, I am exhausted and nauseated for no reason obviously and it just hurts. I will have my bloodwork back Monday, but my guess is that I will be bleeding by then. I know nothing is for certain right now, but I just cant help but be upset. I pray the tests were crappy and the dye in that lighter one was just no good, but I dont think that is a very good chance. *sigh* Please pray for us.
Update: Well I think last nights urine was way too watered down from drinking lots of water at night. My tests this afternoon with concentrated urine gave a GORGEOUS line so we will see. I just have to wait for my bloodwork. I actually had someone comment here that I was faking this pregnancy. Honestly, are you kidding me. My whole family and friends IRL read here, why on earth would I fake a pregnancy. That is ridiculous. Please if you are toxic to me or my family, stay off this blog. This is for me and my posterity as I will be publishing my blogs once a year and keeping them as a keepsake. Why would I put lies into my blog? Seriously I am offended at the way some grown women act. Sheesh, oh and for all the doubters, heres my chart! If a person thinks I make up charts too, then well, lol whatever!!
-fertilityfriend chart has been removed by owner-
I have been charting there for almost 3 years now.

9 comments:

Wayne and Melissa said...

JANIS!!!! (((HUGS))) I'm hoping it's just a different test and things are still positive for you! m/c are no fun! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Misty and Jake said...

Janis,

I am so sorry that you're going through this. From reading your posts I know how bad you want another baby. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Hopefully soon your doctor will listen to you after all you know your body more than he does.

Sandy said...

Oh Janis...my heart aches for you Dear One. I'm praying that God allows you to keep this child, and gives you comfort and peace either way.

maryellenlewis said...

Janis those look like different tests. I checked your chart and your temps look good. I think you picked 2 tests with different sensitivities. Try not to worry.

cortney said...

i got 2 faints like the first you posted, followed by a few negatives before i got a "real" positive. Plus, different tests give different results. Don't throw in the towel yet....i'm praying for ya:)

Sandy said...

OOHHH! I hope it was just a fluke! Let us know as soon as you know more right?

Wayne and Melissa said...

Yeah! Sending my sticky baby dust your way!

luv_of_saints said...

Janis,

First of all, ignore the imbeciles being toxic to your blog. I know it is hard, Lord knows I have had some real evil people to deal with in the cyber world, but I have found that these are generally the extremely bitter miserable people who do that!

And there is something I want to tell you too. When I was 14 weeks pregnant with Korinne, I had to go on pregnancy medicaid because hubby switched jobs. In order to do that, I had to do a test at the health department. At 14 weeks, the second line was faint! I freaked! Thank God later on that day, we heard her heartbeat at the doctors.

What I am saying is hope is not lost. It could be many variables. Yes, this kind of thing is hell! We are trying too for number 6 and AF reared her ugly head yesterday. And as you know, we can't get pregnant in the conventional way. Also, I have noticed people tend to empathize with me less during failure cycles and m/c because I already have five, AUGHHHH!

Tell ya what, lets pray for each other tonight that we will both get our dream of number 6 soon, healthy and happy, ok?

Adrienne said...

Sending sticky baby dust!