Thursday, June 12, 2008

A New Day, A Better Life

The love of my life
All the kids and I camping last week

In light of the past weeks events, Nate and I have had lots of talks and lots of time to think and rethink. Looking back, I was probably interrupting Heavenly Father's plan by charting, temping and peeing on sticks. This shouldn't become a life's obsession and hasn't been up until the past ovulation when I got overly obsessive peeing on sticks to find out if we had indeed fallen pregnant this past cycle. I am putting myself back into check. I did this for 2 long years ttc Kenna and I just wont do it again. I don't like the emotional investment it encompasses. I refuse to be in that place again. I am putting this back where it should be, in His hands. I am going to keep my fertilityfriend account, but for the first time, I will ONLY use it to record my periods, nothing else really needs to be there. I will test if and only after I miss my period. I cannot be testing early and obsessing each month. Its a waste of finance and emotional energy. I am so grateful to have 5 children and a sweet baby girl who is still nursing at that. I need to count my blessings, not the blessings I do not yet have. I know in His time, we will fall pregnant again and have more children. If we do not, then it was not His will for our family. We will remain faithful and quiverful, but this just needs to be left to Him. I want to continue enjoying Kenna as I have til this past month when the "maybe I am pregnant" monster took over. I love sitting down quietly to nurse my sweet baby girl, there is nothing better in the entire world and I am forever grateful for today, for each moment. I sometimes just need a kick in the pants to remind me to enjoy my children, every ounce of their youth because I can't get today back and tomorrow may not be there. Back to my regularly scheduled enjoyment of my beautiful family. I placed the order yesterday for our Sonlight curriculum, it costed 1,000 dollars and it derailed our Dave Ramsey budget for this month, but we honestly felt our children's education was more important right now, right here, TODAY than having debt paid off tomorrow. Our debt is only 6,000 now so we are very close to being done. We have a plan to be debt free by July 15th so it is coming quick enough and as I stated in earlier posts when we decided to do this budget, we decided no matter what, our children wouldn't suffer from it. I am proud to say that we have managed to hold completely to that and still pay down debt at a phenomenal rate. It can be done, you can have the best of both. I am also excited to say we bought all our emergency readiness kits the other night at a church function so we are ready for a big quake or whatever natural disaster might hit. That too was a good reason to derail from our budget this month. I am glad to be prepared, to have good solid curriculum on its way and to be living in joy for each day and loving what is and not what could have been.


Sankat said...

That is wonderful that you have such a great attitude. I know how much testing can get to you. I also think it is great you are getting out of debt!! Any secrets to how you do it without your children doing without? We will NEED that after DH is done with school!

luv_of_saints said...

I am so happy that you are doing so well!

As a mom of 9 years more experience than you:), I will have to say that it is a very wise choice to enjoy every second of your children while they are little. I must say you seem to be doing better than I was at 24 though. I was kinda self centered at that age and one day I realized, I think at 27, that I cannot buy back the years I missed on my older kids when they were little from envying my friends who were a little more free than me.

Funny how life will get you though. God is making me work for my desire to have more, lol. If I were in your situation and could get pregnant the traditional way, I too would give up on the pee-stick obsession. It's a nasty little obsession but I have to still do it as my WOF has to be planned carefully. Ok, maybe I have to still poas but not obsess, right? Haha.

You're doing well for yourself and your family Janis. You are a wise lady for your age! Keep up the good work.

~~~~~ The House of Big Cheese~~~~ said...

Good attitude!

maryellenlewis said...

Janis, you have come away from this experience with a good perspective and it sounds like you are doing the right things for your family.