Anyway

Is it the time of year or what? My kids have been exceptionally unruly, fist fighting and we even had an incident of Tanner cutting Kayla's finger open today! What the heck? We have had a rainy, rainy, rainy....did I mention rainy? winter this year in SoCal. I am wondering if it all the being cooped up or what is going on. This past few months we have been having our doubts about homeschooling. While I love homeschooling and I don't believe in a lot of public school philosophy, I also realize that our sanity isn't doing well lately. When I say our, I mean, the whole family. We have had issues with getting enough social outlets for the kids in our small town and quite frankly, going to the Dr or Dentist will throw the entire week off for me now with having 4 homeschoolers. Our homeschooling is very relaxed, but I also worry that they won't learn enough to be competitive in society when looking for jobs. I am noticing my kids are sort of (I hate to use this phrase) "behind." Behind what??? I dunno. Maybe its normal mama fear, but the neighbor kids seem to be more socially mature then my children to the point that it can be embarrassing. I cannot go into a store and keep my children all collected. They scatter at a full run in every direction in stores. I have gotton to a point where I don't take them in places with me unless its a real emergeny. At 9(actually Kayla does OK usually), 8, 7, 5, 2.5 and 11 months, I am thinking they should be able to walk with me like civilized people. Am I wrong? Things I once balked at in public schools, I am now thinking differently about....can we say form a line and follow?? I say this jokingly, but really I mean it. Maybe 5 years of homeschooling is coming to a point of sheer burnout. My kids do not listen to other adults, they hardly listen to me lately, they fight in the car, homeschooling, watching TV, over the computer, at the dinner table, trying to get cuddles with me, over a book, over a toy, out with the horses, while baking, its nonstop. I do mean that. Right now, Tanner and Everett are punching each other while watching Spongebob. They have been entertained ALL day and they are still bored and fighting. I am really tired. I hate to admit I am not supermom, but I'm not. Nate's about to change to a new schedule that is really going to disrupt our household and its giving me some serious second thoughts about homeschooling as well. Maybe this is just a fear and not reality, maybe it is reality>? I am not making rash decisions and maybe I am just blowing off steam......or oh my gawd......Wyatt just ate and ENTIRE container of cookies. This is the crap I am soooooo tired of. Yeah pretty much.

50 Reasons People Give for Believing in God

This is a GOOD book. I am currently reading through it and I will read it to the kids next. Basically, the author travels the world asking people why they believe. He gathered the 50 most often stated reasons and wrote a book about it. He then goes in depth, without a rude tone or anything, giving you a lot to think about. People have believed in Gods since the begining of time, moon gods, sun gods, cloud gods, allah, and Jesus. Its a realllllllllly interesting read to say the least. I definately think it was a good start to my religion recovery. Another great book, Getting Off. Its a personal book obviously, but yea. I can't say enough good things about it and even if you are religious and don't believe in masturbation, you will find this book great for your marriage and spicing things up. Its hands down(no pun intended) one of the BEST books I have ever read! I sure as heck wont stay unpregnant long doing suggestions from this book! haha. I THOUGHT I knew a lot about myself:) hehe, learn something new everyday. Alright, enough with my book reviews.

Quick Update

Tested negative this morning.It is only 9dpo though so there may still be a chance:) I am not holding my breath though because I always get +'s by 9dpo and this was the very first post partum egg(havent even had a cycle yet) so chances are slim its a viable eggie.

Just answering a fewquestions.....ttc=trying to conceive, dpo=days past ovulation. The reason I know all this stuff and we arent able to just do the deed and get preggs is because we struggled with 2 yrs of infertility after Tanner. We have lost 4 pregnancies and went through a lot to find out I have very low progesterone and have to take it starting 3 days past ovulation in order to stay pregnant IF I even am pregnant. Its a rough way to get pregnant and it usually takes me a while now because of this issue. I remember the days when we just did it and got pregnant, gosh that was nice!

UPDATING: My first post partum period showed today. Ugh, sometimes being a girl aint that fun:)

Furthermore

We are journeying out of calling ourselves Quiverfull. This is not to the offense of anyone who claims this title. I took the blogroll off my page though because we are no longer comfortable with calling ourselves this. We are just baby lovers. We love children and we take em as they naturally come. This will be my last Quiverfull label post. We believe in God, but don't feel he mandates all people to have babies all the time. It wouldnt work for everyone and we get that. We just love babies and let em come, but maybe at some point we will lose our sanity and stop! :) Who knows. For now though, we are TTC #7.....YES ttc! That isn't very QF and I know that so oh well. No more label for us.Yippy Skippy, hoping we get preggers with our seventh/tie breaker soon!

What IS IT

with church people? Don't take offense right away if your reading this and go to church. I am finding a regular pattern among a large amount of the church population in California(excluding the LDS church). Every church we have been in or around, there are a lot of "different" people. These people I will call UBER Christians with a very capital C. Now I am not trying to be hypocritical either, but they will tell you how Godly they are, they toss God into every sentence and tithe 20% and are proud to share about it. These people are exactly what turns me off in every church.They claim to be mega Christians and boast of their good deeds, yet they constantly chastise their "brothers" in Christ. They shun babies and children.....oh those are little things are to be shoved into a classroom and we will stare at them and smush their cheeks on our terms as you come or go from church. I THOUGHT this new church we have been going to a few months now was different, but alas, its all the same. I am done. I am not going back there either. I am just NOT a churchgoer no matter how hard I try to push myself into that box and try to be that person, its all very off putting to me. I feel rather ashamed to call myself a Christian sometimes when I am put into such strange situations with these oddball, overinflated, puffed up Christians. I'm just a sinner. I don't want to be like them. I don't want them role modeling for my kids. I just don't want anything to do with them. Nate has never/will never be a church goer. He has always gone mostly for me and the kids I think. He has never complained really, but never really pushes the issue. He sleeps in church, has no desire for fellowship with church people and just has a non chalant attitude of annoyance towards the financial intent of a lot of the Church's around here. I can't say I blame him because when you give 10% and then they invite you to a free family night dinner(happened this week) and you show up and there's a sign inside the door that says they "STRONGLY suggest a $4 donation for each plate" its discouraging. Afterwards, there was a Bible study where I attended with Maddy because I do not leave my babies in nurseries(esp not at 10 mo.s) and everyone kept staring at me and 3X they asked me if I would like to take her to nursery in front of the entire class. I was mortified. She was an angel and completely quiet. I couldn't believe it so I eventually up and left mid class and picked up my other kids with no plan for a return. So much for that. Its fine, we don't need a church and I am completely convinced that I will save myself a lot of drama and heartache by not having one or having to deal with one. I think we will be perfectly content doing our own thing.

Oh Baby-Maybe?

I was feeling a bit funny last week, kind of emotional, kind of bloated, kinda broken out.....you get the picture. I was thinking maybe AF would be showing up soon since I haven't had one since Maddy's birth so I know she will be showing sometime. Kenna weaned right at the first of the year and I guess that was just enough to trigger things. I ended up realizing Friday that all the pain I was having was ovulation. I am very excited at the idea that we may have another baby on the way to our family. I am trying not to be, but I can't help it. I have to take progesterone starting @ 3dpo if there is any chance of staying pregnant so I went ahead and started that yesterday. I woke up this morning with such terrible nausea, but if I am pregnant, it will be worth it. I have continued to be queasy throughout the day. I will be able to test Sunday so crossyour fingers for us that maybe there will be another beautiful baby coming to our family soon. Maddy is 10 months now so they would be pretty close in age. Funny thing, I would be due Oct 26th and I go 1 month early so I would have ANOTHER baby around Sept 28th. Its crazy how much my body likes to have a baby around that time. Kayla and Kenna were both born Sept 28th. So who knows, maybe we will end up on the news haha. I will update with results as soon as we know.

Getting way ahead of myself, but....IF we are preggs, we are planning Gunner for a boy(no clue for a middle...possibly Adam or Nathan) and Hallie Jane for a girl. These are tentative of course, but definitely a high probability.

Church Talent Show

Our Church held their annual talent show Sunday evening. It was so much fun. There were 18 acts, 3 included my kids:) Kayla sang her favorite Hannah Montana song, "Every Part of Me" and Wyatt told jokes*(he was hilarious!) Towards the end, they took all the primary aged kids to sing a fun church song so all my kids participated in that. Grandparents came and it turned into a nice evening. Afterwards everyone commented on the guts of Kayla to just go up there and sing so beautifully acappella and Wyatt for being so confident as well. I thought about that a lot and by the time we got to Domino's for pizza, I looked at Nate and told him that I thought I knew why our children were confident. He looked dumbfounded as it wasn't something he gave much thought. I can tell you I would have NEVER stood alone in a church full and sang alone like Kayla. I wasn't shy either, I just wouldn't have done it. I think the reason why is because us institutionalized folks were embarrassed so many times by 2-4th grade from reading aloud and messing up or not knowing an answer when called on that none of us had much confidence left by that point. Our kids aren't institutionalized, therefore, their self esteem is still completely in tact and I am so proud of that and glad for them.

For Those Living in Fear of Unschooling

.....but who would like to try it out, Better Late than Early and School Can Wait are two books I highly recommend with studies that show all the negative impacts of early education. It really challenges you to think differently about "preschool" and other early learning programs which were originally only designed for poor children or parents who couldn't provide their child a good homelife. These books will help you relax long enough for your children to show you that they CAN and WILL acquire all the needed skills to succeed academically in their lives. The Moores suggest no formal schooling for boys until 10-12 and girls 8-10. I am of course an unschooler, however, these books are great starting points for someone interested in unschooling but too scared to jump right in. During my times of fear, I clung and still sometimes cling to the knowledge contained within these because I can reassure myself that my kids aren't even of age to be considered for learning academics according to the Moores. This site is also one of my favs, thought I would pass it along. http://www.christian-unschooling.com/